Delivery Boy Barney
by ThatLazyThief
Summary: Marshall and Lily are trying to watch a movie, but Barney keeps bursting in delivering drunk 'packages' to their apartment. A short one-shot filled with humour, fluff and a little hurt!somebody. The things readers love to read and writers love to write.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own the show and they belong to the Creator whose name I regretably don't know.

 **A/N:** Edited.

 ****HIMYM****

Marshall and Lily lay cuddled up on the couch watching TV, Marshall pressed up to the corner and Lily resting against his side. He had an arm draped over her keeping her close to him, he would have loved to say that it was because he loved her and that it was a cute romantic gesture, but honestly it was winter and the apartment was cold. He still loved her though. They were watching Disney's The Lion King. Lily had never seen it before as a child which was totally not cool because every child _needs_ to watch this movie and learn the life lesson this show teaches you. So Marshall had rented the DVD, forcing Lily to watch it with him and promising that afterwards they can watch whatever movie Lily wanted to watch...he just hoped it wasn't another sad drama- he used up all the tissues last time.

Suddenly Barney and Ted came bursting into the apartment, the latter leaning heavily against the former. Marshall scrambled to find the remote to pause the movie, because clearly they were going to cause a ruckus which is totally unnacceptable while watching The Lion King- you don't disrespect the King that way.

"Surprise Delivery!" A smirking Barney called as he manouvered around, a swaying dishvelled looking Ted, to close the apartment door.

"Ta-da! It's me!" Ted slurred happily, throwing his arms up in the air, nearly hitting his personal support post in the face. At the same time he went to take a step forward, but he wasn't nearly coherent enough to successfully execute both moves at the same time whilst talking and he nearly sent himself and Barney crashing to the floor. Luckily Barney reacted fast enough and instead they ended up stumbling forward a few steps- right into the table.

" _Owieee_..." Ted whined as he rubbed his knee alternating between directing a pout and a glare at the blonde- who clearly did that on purpose because he's a meany who's jealous that Carl picked him and Robin to try out the new mix drinks (definitely not Martinis) for the bar and not Barney. Also the table had it in for him ever since the incident with Marshall and a pitch fork...Lily still did not know about that.

"Sorry Bro" Barney replied, not really sorry at all as he slung Ted's arm off his shoulder, but kept the arm supporting his waist where it is. The result was Ted dangling half over the arm supporting him. Barney shuffled Ted and himself forward a few more inches and-

"No!" Marshall yelled seeing what Barney was planning to do, but it was too late- Barney had let go of Ted's waist and with three simultaniously exclaimed **'Oofs!'** Ted was draped over Marshall and Lily, with his head in Marshall's lap and his torso on Lily. His feet were still dangling over the edge of the couch.

Barney straightened up, smoothing down his tie, smirking down at the tangle of limbs trying to get more comfortable on the couch. Marshall glared up at the smirking blonde as Ted lifted his feet settling down more comfortably on the couch, like he wasn't ever going to move again- which he probably wasn't. He smiled goofely up at his two roommates and best friends "He-y guyss...m'ss me?"

Lily smiled down at her friend as she sat up straighter, moving Ted's sprawled form into a more comfortable position "Yes we did, Ted." This made the drunk man's smile even wider and goofier looking. He turned his head to look at the paused movie on the screen "Is this Lion King?" He asked, but before anyone could answer him a pout formed on his face as he stared sadly at the freezed face of Simba "Mufasa dies." He stated sadly.

This produced a giggle from Lily and a distressed sound of protest from Marshall "Dude! We haven't gotten to that part yet, and Lily has never seen this before!"

Ted lifted his head to frown at Lily "You've n'ver?"

"Nope" Lily replied popping the 'p' as she stared at Ted with amusement. Her friend's face formed the pout and wide-eyed stare again.

"Mufasa dies."

" _Dude!_ " When the only answer Marshall got was Ted's head thumping back down onto his lap he turned his attention to Barney who was making his way back out the door "Why didn't you just dump him in his room instead?" He complained.

"He's heavy and I still have one more package to deliver," Barney answered as he stepped outside the door, he poked his head back inside a few seconds later "-and this one has heels." With that he was gone leaving the three friends on the couch. Marshall sighed, shushing Ted's drunken slur of apologies with his hand and starting the movie again. Lily smiled amused when after a moment Ted started to snore softly, she rested her left hand comfortably on his thigh while intertwining her right with Marshall's hand. Marshall smiled down kindly at her- irritation forgotten before turning back to the movie.

They had just gotten to the part where Timone and Pumba start singing about Hakuna Matata when there was another bang from the door. Marshall sighed pausing the movie for a second time as they all turned their attention (minus Ted who was still snoring softly and drooling all over Marshall's lap) to the front door. Barney stumbled in looking considerably more mussed up then when he left, struggling to keep a drunk Robin upright.

"I can't believe you managed to down three more drinks before I came back!" Barney groused turning to close the door the same time Robin decided to lurch forward to join her friends on the very comfortable looking couch. This time Barney wasn't fast enough and both he and Robin went down with a yell landing in a mess of writhing limbs on the floor.

"Tha's the sec'nd ti-me yo've drop'd me St'nson" Robin's slurred words came from the floor. With one major heave and a few stumbling steps forward- Robin plopped next to Lily, landing on top of Ted's legs. Ted yelped awake at the sudden pressure and it was a few awkward seconds of grunts and mumbled apologies later before everyone settled back down comfortably again- this time with Ted's legs on top of Robin's lap as she rested her head against Lily's shoulder.

"If I remember correctly- which I do- it was your heels Scherbatsky that were the cause of our tumble down the flight of stairs." Barney shot back as he clumsily climbed back to his feet for the second time that night. Lily gasped immediatly fussing over the Canadian girl slumped against her, checking for any sings of a serious injury. Robin lolled her head to send Lily a lopsided grin "M'fine. Ba'ney's a comfy l'nd'n pillow."

Barney waved his arms in a **'your welcome'** gesture, before disappearing into the kitchen. He came back out a few seconds later holding a pack of frozen peas in his hand. He dropped the pack on Ted's legs, who was slowly falling back asleep again, but jerked awake at the sudden cold impact "Geez Barney!" He whined, but said man ignored him and instead removed his suit jacket- wincing slightly as he did so.

"I'm going to have a giant Scherbatsky shaped bruise in the morning." he moaned as he neatly folded up his suit jacket and laid it down on the arm chair followed by his rolled up tie. Robin snorted turning an innocent smile his way "Something to remember me by."

"You're not going anywhere tonight. We don't need a drunk Canadian stumbling around New York." Barney replied shuffling forward to the couch with his friends on it and nudged Ted's feet "Scoot over buddy." He asked and Ted complied lifting his feet slightly so his friend could sit down before resting his feet back down on Barney's lap. Barney laid back against the cushions of the couch with a sigh, wincing slightly as he placed the frozen pack of peas to the bump on the side of his head. Lily stared at him worriedly from over the top of Robin's head "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine just a bump to the head." he answered waving her concern away.

"Well you should probably also stay here for the night, so we can make sure you don't fall asleep, just in case you have a concussion."

Barney made a sound of protest at the idea, not at the staying over part, but at the 'no sleeping' one. He waved his arm gesturing at Ted's sprawled form over all of them "Why does Ted get to sleep?!"

"Because Ted's drunk not possibly concussed." Lily answered matter-of-factly and fixed Barney with a stern stare, before frowning at the pack he held to his head "Wait? Are those my peas?! I was gonna use those!"

She got multiple **'Ew gross Lily!'** 's from her friends and a mumbled **'You nasty'** from Ted. She turned her glare on Marshall who held his arms up in defence.

"Peas are good for you." Lily snapped making Marshall unconciously sit up straighter and clear his throat.

"Lily's right. Peas are good for you and you will eat them," Marshall said slightly louder than was necessary. At the other three's nods he continued, "now apologize to Lily."

"Sorry Lily..." the three mumbled together, not quite sure what they were apologizing for, but too drunk or tired to defend themselves.

Lily smiled cheerily up at Marshall and kissed his cheek ignoring Ted's childish groan of disgust. All five of them settled back down getting comfortable as Marshall played the movie again. Even though they were way more people on the couch than how many it was designed to hold and his jeans were slightly damp- Marshall could now happily say he wasn't cold anymore.

 ****HIMYM****


End file.
